


what a time, what a lie

by yasi



Series: Ballum Week 2020 [2]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Character Study, M/M, Post-Break Up, ballum week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:54:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24613360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasi/pseuds/yasi
Summary: written for ballum week 2020 day five: distance/seperation.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Ballum Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2021099
Comments: 8
Kudos: 40





	what a time, what a lie

[Inspired by What A Time by Julia Michaels feat. Niall Horan](https://open.spotify.com/track/5WtfUKzXircvW8l5aaVZWT?si=EI0DS2KPRQaVtyOsQOx-EA)

~*~*~

Their break-up is still fresh, not even a week old. Everybody else was right in the end. Ben wasn’t good enough for Callum and his big heart.

They’d been doomed form the beginning, too different to work long-term. Callum with his big and soft heart, gentle despite looking anything but. Loving and caring. And in contrast Ben. The complete opposite. He knows he’s small and adorable, but his character is anything but. He can be charming if he wants to be but most of the time he uses it to his advantage, to get his way. He has a sharp tongue and lashes out at the slightest inconvenience. That's what being his father’s son has taught him.

And now they’ve finally called it quits. After everything that’s happened, Callum pulled the plug and they’re done. It’s for the best. Their time together, however short, has been a constant up and down, more fighting than having good times together.

The night they’d met up at the park, Ben had been kind of hopeful and Callum full of anger. But it had ended the way it was supposed to, giving in to whatever this thing between them had been. The change in Callum after their initial kiss had been exhilarating. Sweet but shy. Demanding and yet hesitant. The way Callum had clung to Ben, as if he never wanted to let him go again. Ben still remembers Callum’s breathy sighs, his cut off moans, the way he’d bite into Ben’s shoulder to keep himself from crying out loud.

It had been a special night, a magical one. Only Callum had changed his mind the next day. Forgot how he’d held on to Ben, how he’d left scratches on Ben’s back that hurt days later. How their kisses had left Ben’s lips bruised.

For a while that night had been all that Ben had from Callum. Thinking back to that night was like drinking tiny droplets of water to quench a never-ending thirst. Enough to survive, to keep him alive, but not enough to sooth the burning inside him.

And when Ben had got shot and they finally, _finally_ got together, staying together had been so much work. Not the good parts, not the hand holding, the kissing, the loving. No.

But everything else had been a struggle. Their worlds colliding, creating chaos. Callum had been willing to compromise. But Ben was his father’s son. A broken man. Damaged goods. No matter how hard he’d tried to get out of his own head, to leave his old life behind, to keep his dad out of his head and heart, it had never worked. He’d always be that little insecure boy who'd been abandoned by his family. Deaf and helpless.

He’s incapable of leaving things be. Family honour, that’s all he knows. That’s all he has. And he hates himself for it. He knows that he’ll never be the son that his dad wanted. He’s gay, not interested in sports, too weak to fight. And the list goes on. But still Ben tries, just to get that tiny lick of love. He knows he won’t ever be loved like Denny, Jay or even Keanu. He knows that. But it doesn’t stop him from trying.

And as much as Callum understands Ben’s love for his father, he himself gave up on his own dad. And he’d been right to do so. What good is a father who can’t love you the way you are? What good is his love if it’s conditional? What good is his love, if it’s only there in good times. Shouldn’t parents love their children no matter what? Yeah...

And so, one day it had been all too much for Callum. One too many times Ben lied about something he did for his dad, one too many times he betrayed Callum for the love of a man who couldn’t care less about him.

Callum hadn’t even been angry. He hadn’t shouted at Ben. He hadn’t said a word. He’d been resigned, like he’d been expecting something like this to happen. He’d just shaken his head, disappointed, and had turned away and left.

Because as big as Callum’s heart is, he can’t always be the one who gives. And Ben understands that. It can’t always be Callum who makes sacrifices so they can be together. And now they’re not anymore.

He’s sitting at the corner table in the caff, nursing his coffee, his gaze lost. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. And then he hears it, Callum’s voice. Ben tenses, his hand clenches on his cup, his head shooting up and his eyes looking for Callum. Callum is standing at the counter with his back to Ben, his voice soft.

And Ben would like nothing more than to run out of the café, for Callum not to see him. But Callum turns in that moment and his eyes land on Ben. He, too, tenses. He holds Ben’s gaze, his eyes speaking of heartbreak and sleepless nights. He gives Ben a tiny nod, averts his eyes and leaves. Not even waiting for his order.

It takes Ben a long time to come back to himself, his coffee long gone cold. As magical as their beginning had been, their ending is nothing but heartache and pain.


End file.
